WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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