I wish I only lived at night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
