just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I party with great urgency now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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