i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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