the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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