I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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