i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize