Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
