spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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