when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize