dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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