walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
