i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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