I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
