I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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