we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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