A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
