My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
