I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
