That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize