My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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