my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
