i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
