we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't deserve a penis
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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