i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
PANTIES FOUND
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