Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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