I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
