I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
