I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
