I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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