Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
