When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize