and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
