So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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