I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
