Plan B is the new Plan A
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
