Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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