Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
