The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
