Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
