She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
