My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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