I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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