my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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