Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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