my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
