between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
