She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
