and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
