im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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