I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
