it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
