I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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