Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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