come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
