What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
