Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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