I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
