ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
