Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
