Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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