I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
