It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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