Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
