Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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