9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
