escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
